Starting Over

It has been a long time since I added to my blog. This is a big year for me and the idea of writing again has a great appeal.

So what is so special about 2011?

Well, it the year I turn 40.

It's funny. I know that I'm not special with this milestone and really, am I any different at 40 than I was at 39?

Not really. It is a little difficult. I can't help but think of my sister who only had 9 years left after reaching this milestone. A small part of me wonders if I'll surpass that. I guess that is only natural.

I think about how much family means to me yet how hard it is to continue those bonds as we grow older, our lives shift and change, families take on their own lives...how natural it is to drift apart. All the while realizing how much I still need family.

And I have to wonder if, when I'm older, what family will be there. Especially now that it's clear that I am not to be a parent. It makes you wonder what life will be like when you are 80. What will be my legacy?

Does everyone think of these things as they hit milestones? Is this what makes us all equal and what should make us feel more connected to each other? These questions about life?

I'm finding that as look at the journey my life has taken so far, I'm amazed at how much things stay the same. All those insecurities that I carried with me in my teenage years are very much still my companion. I think by 40, they should have been left behind.

I really wish they were.

But then, my 20's or 30's didn't turn out the way I expected. Why do I think any preconceived notions I have about 40 be any different? And my 30's were better than any expectations. 40 could be the same.

I look and know I am very blessed.

There is a lot to look forward to this year. New hobbies such as photography to fall in love with, new songs to sing.

And I guess that's what life journey is all about.